Finding Solace
Disclaimer: This is not about me lol, this is just a story I felt like telling.
"You have one job. Get good grades, get into a good college, study a high-skill degree."
“This is not enough, Why cant you be like others? see how much others are achieving!”
"Okay at least you are in college now. Grades don’t matter as much, but keep doing well. You must get a good internship."
“See, this person is interning at the biggest tech firm, they are making so much compared to you”
"Okay you got a degree and a decent internship. Now, find a good job."
"So, you have a job, good, but you are so useless when it comes to helping out at home. You are so selfish."
"Forget about your achievements. Look at your face, Who will want to marry you?"
"Oh, you don’t tell us anything about yourself. Don’t you like your parents? Don’t you care for us at all? Tomorrow when we die, you will know our worth."
All her life, she felt like she was never enough, always falling short of people's expectations no matter how hard she tried.
Despite getting good grades, completing her engineering degree, and landing a great job, she realized no matter what she did, it would never be enough.
The expectations were never-ending. Though she realized this and started to dismiss it and live according to her own goals, the underlying effect of always needing to prove herself or feeling that she wouldn’t be enough still lingered.
Because of this, she always felt that she could never meet people’s expectations; something would always be lacking. This spiraled down to her subconscious mind, leading her to distance herself from friends who got too close emotionally. She feared that she would never be able to meet their expectations as a best friend.
This made her feel worthless. What was the point of existing when she couldn’t make anyone fully happy?
Then, she discovered a path of spirituality that led her to God. She realized that for Him, it didn't matter what she gave, as long as she gave it with true loving intention. He accepted it; He accepted her as she was. She surrendered herself, embracing spirituality, meditating, and giving herself wholeheartedly and lovingly to the higher power. He was the only one who accepted her completely. She found the divine within, she became one with Shiva in Him, she found her reason to stay.
स्वात्मारामाय नमः। ॐ नमः शिवाय
Salutations to the one who delights in the Self. I bow down to Lord Shiva.
